Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
