Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
