just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
my liver is dry heaving
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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