She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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