I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
