haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
