You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
