I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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