i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Two words: nipple clamps
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