I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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