just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
