i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
