Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
