haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
