Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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