I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
