My room smells like vodka and shame
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
