She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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