Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
