I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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