I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
