wrigley field is MILF paradise
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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