WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
