Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
