There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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