i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
