Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
