thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
