JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
