Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
