Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
wrigley field is MILF paradise
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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