walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
