ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
