she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
