I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I think my moral compass just broke
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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