after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
