I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I smell like Dick and happiness
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
