I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
