This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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