It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
