I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
