Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
