I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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