Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
