Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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