3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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