We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
