Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
