There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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