it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
