idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
