I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
